It’s Wednesday morning and, today, early afternoon, we will be on the road back to New York.
As much as I love visiting family, it is exhausting having to give so much energy – even if just sitting and talking. Much as I want to be ready for a ‘normal’ day, I’m not quite there yet. And I know that I have been less than patient and probably a bit annoying to my family here. Taking that 2-hour nap yesterday afternoon, away from people and TV was healing.
My sister came in from Potomac, Joan stopped by for a brief visit, Florence was here during the day and again later in the evening was with us when we went to dinner for crabs. We took my Dad for a much needed haircut and stopped by Bed, Bath and Beyond as well as Home Depot. In the evening, my Dad was watching his TV shows – mostly cop shows. All in all, too much for one day for me at this point in my process. By 10:30, both Antonio and I were ready for bed.
I also had a long discussion with Ashlei, my Dad’s Veterans Administration paid home health aide who is supposed to, among other things like preparing his breakfast, helping him to dress, shopping for food, etc, keep the house clean; but each time I am here, I see that she neglects to clean the bathrooms and kitchen. My Dad just doesn’t see the accumulation and while Ashei is great and has a warm relationship with my Dad, she needs to focus on her job and make sure that his house is clean – his eyes are not so good, so he doesn’t see the mess that is here and he deserves to have a clean home. No, I’m not expecting perfection, but dried poop on the toilet and the floor around it is just not acceptable. That too, took energy and I got a long text message from Ashlei saying that she did not appreciate my telling her what to do. I felt it again this morning when she showed up, although she did clean today to a much higher standard. Let’s see if that continues.
So even with the nap, I was exhausted by the end of the day and look forward to more relaxation back in New York. This evening I have an acupuncture session that I also hope will help me to regain my balance.
When I sent the last email, one thing I did not mention was that Dr. Silverman told me that I should expect few if any side effects for the first 2 weeks and that coming and going for radiation should be easy to do on my own- it will only be after the first 2 weeks that I will begin to feel the cumulative effects of the treatment, and that is when I will need to be accompanied home. So for now at least, I should be good. I will send that link for people to sign up to accompany me starting around May 25 through June 23, the last day of radiation. Stay tuned!
On the message front, received some wonderful emails. The first is a video card from my EnCompass family – love this!:
The next is a poem from Steve Cadwell:
SILVER BELLS ARE RINGING
And this from Andrea Pastorelli in Rome:
“Thank you for continuing to share updates and your news. Every time I read your emails I go through an extreme and opposing mix of emotions. I am happy to hear you so strong, resilient and positive, as we all know you to be this kind of person and no one is surprised to see you deal with this situation the way you are doing. So every email has a positive piece of news – which needs to continue to happen! But then I get angry and I think this is too unfair, that a person like you, both emotionally, spiritually and health/diet wise so special, should not be going through this!! At least know that we are thinking about you all the time and sending our love. As Seth said in his email, we have lit candles in a number of churches in Rome, before and after the operation. And I will continue to do that, until you can come to visit us in Rome and we can go (light) one together!
“I was happy to know you had your Fire Island weekend, even though you weren’t feeling totally yourself. Your friend is right, you need to allow yourself to feel shitty and down and tired and all of the roller coaster of emotions that you need to go through right now. Think of what YOU need for now, prioritize yourself.”