It was a rough weekend after the ER visit last Thursday night into Friday morning. It’s not easy to have a catheter in your penis 24/7 – makes peeing very uncomfortable, hard to walk, to sleep, to get up and sit down… I had several bad leaks, one in bed and one in my pants at NYU. If you can avoid getting a catheter, do so! Antonio is a saint in helping me in every way that you can possibly imagine: massages, love to the point of not knowing what to do with it all, patience that would test the best of us. I’m not sure I have the qualities he has to put up with me. I try to be as nice as I can, but I am far from the saint that he is!
Miguel came for a visit on Sunday and it was great to catch up with him. I also had visits from George and Chandler on Saturday, including a much needed haircut from George and peonies from Chandler.
Yesterday, I had 2 doctors’ appointments. First was for radiation at NYU Hospital and that went reasonably well. Antonio took me to NYU and the radiation was quick and painless. I had no real sense of what was happening – my eyes were closed and I was locked in under the mask.
We had lunch at the NYU Tisch Café and from there, took the subway to the Upper East for the appointment with Dr. Katz, my urologist. I’m hoping that is the end of the catheter and that my PSA will rapidly go down to normal. My friend Michelle Dannemiller wrote to say “Try not to be alarmed by the high PSA. It’s likely due to the urinary tract infection. That happened to Jim (her husband), too. Once the infection was cleared & his enlarged prostate was treated, his PSA returned to normal. Hang in there.”
We had dinner at EAT near Dr. Katz’s office – it was another planet from our neighborhood. The kinds of people walking around there are VERY Upper East in their mannerisms, dress, etc. It was great to be on our way and walk through Central Park, see Spring in full bloom and take the subway back to Chelsea.
I’m all booked for people to accompany me to radiation now. Thanks to all who stepped forward for that: Susan Locke, Susan Letteney, Carlos Motta, Buffy McDevitt, Ellen Saad, Nancy Raphael, Stewart Schulman, Ed Sullivan and Maie Ayoub. Others who volunteered, but who will not be needed except as back-ups just in case the above people can’t make it are Eric Sawyer, Katia Fisch, Suraj Bhatia, Gib McCurdy and Don Alden. Again, I am overwhelmed by all of the support I am getting! “ As Shakespeare said, “I am wealthy in my friends!”
Antonio and I had 2 hard conversations and I’m not really sure where these will lead. I know that I love him and that he loves me, but I have to say that I do have some hesitations – although not even sure what exactly they are about. Yesterday evening, he was downstairs watching TV and I was upstairs writing this. I’m feeling bad and sad, yet glad that I raised the issue after he asked the question about whether I had any doubts. He thinks it is up to me to decide next steps and I just don’t have a clue what to say about that.
Final thought from Devendri Sandrasagren: “You have great inner strength transforming mistakes into wisdom, fear into courage and defeat into victory. You live by the truth and stand by your values.” I wish that these were all true!
P.S. Working on the glitches with the transition to the blog. For example, once you sign up, you get a message saying that you will get a confirmation email, but that doesn’t seem to be generated by the system. No idea why! So please be patient as we work these glitches out!