As my energy levels continue to improve – though there are good days and those not as good, with mornings better than later in the day – I am feeling more hopeful that I will soon be back to a new ‘normal’ though I don’t yet know what that will look like. For example, will my muscle mass/strength return to where it was? It’s a weird feeling when I go up stairs to be winded with weakness in my legs. Before all of this started, walking those stairs would have been like breathing air! Am I motivated enough to get back into the regular routine of more vigorous exercise, including working out, walking and biking? Right now, I am unmotivated, some would say lazy, and prefer to rest, sit on the beach, lie on the sofa and sleep long nights. Yes, I know I am still very much in healing and recuperation mode, so will not be too hard on myself, yet I also know that the longer I wait to get back into a physical routine, the harder it will be.
I definitely, as reported last week, had a big turning point and that feels super, but, still, being in a crowd of people almost scares me: last weekend, I walked into town and being in the Pines Panty grocery store and Pines Liquor, even for a few minutes was too much. When we left, I was relieved. Sitting on the beach and seeing friends walk by who do not notice me – people I usually love to chat with – camouflaged by my hat and sunglasses under the umbrella, is actually a relief for me in not having to engage – I have plenty of engagement with friends in the house, this week included Xavier and Glenn from Geneva and Miguel and Ronny along with Antonio. Plus Davide and Martin, while not staying in the house, have been joining us for dinners each day. Yanis was here for a day trip and brought 3 high-energy friends with him. That’s a lot of intensity to be around and absorb! Even with the friends in the house, all of whom I adore, while my engagement at the dinner table is growing daily, I reach my saturation point and excuse myself way before the full conversation is over. For the 4th of July, the Pines has an annual celebration and people inundate this place! I had no desire to participate – something unlike past years.
I had a few people drop by with gifts of flowers: lilies from Yanis, sunflowers from Viktor, my acupuncturist, and a jade plant from Ben Nowell. These all made my day!
Cyrus came by and offered me a Reiki session and it was strange in a wonderful way – I was in such a deep relaxed and meditative state that I had no idea he had left. I had the sensation that his hands were still on me and finally, after what seemed like forever, I opened my eyes and he was gone. He thought I was sleeping, so didn’t want to disturb me, but truth is I was not sleeping at all, just in a state of meditation!
I have appreciated all of the comments from people who post them on the blog – know that I read them all. And I have been getting some off-blog comments via email, text and Facebook messenger. I won’t include all of the off-blog comments, but this is one I so appreciated from Ben Singer: “I have been reading through your blog and once I got over the shock I was struck by how overwhelmingly positive you are. I keep hearing how paramount this is in such situations so keep it up! You are an example to us all!”