I don’t want to focus on negatives, but I do want/need to get out some anger.

So bear with me please – but push back with your comments if you think I’m off-base, too.

First, unrelated to anger: a few people have asked about the references to the Mshiberach prayer. Several have offered this for my healing. It is a traditional Jewish prayer A“mi sheberach” is a public prayer or blessing for an individual or group, most often recited in synagogue when the Torah is being read. Because it is not an officially mandated prayer, there is a lot of room for creativity regarding whom to bless or how they can be blessed. Thus, there are mi sheberachsfor just about any person in need of some divine goodness—most notably those requiring healing. Here are the actual words in Hebrew and English:

MiShebeirachavoteinuv’imoteinu,
Avraham Yitzchak v’Yaakov,
Sarah, Rivkah, Rachel v’Lei-ah,
huy’vareich et [Alan son of Gloria]
baavur she-alah
lich’vodHaMakom, lich’vodhaTorah.
Bis’charzehHaKadosh Baruch Hu
yishm’reihu
v’yatzileihu
mikoltzarahv’tzukahumikolnegaumachalah,
v’yishlachb’rachahv’hatzlachah
v’cholmaasehyadav/yadeha,
imkolYisrael. V’nomar: Amen.

May the one who blessed our ancestors, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel and Leah, bless Alan son of Gloria, since he has come up to the Torah in honor of God and Torah. May he merit from the Holy One of Blessing protection, rescue from any trouble or distress, and from any illness, minor or serious; may God send blessing and success in his/her every endeavor, together with all Israel, and let us say, Amen.

The anger stuff: my brother had said he would come in if needed, but in the end he did not after I asked for his help to come and bring my dad for a visit – some bullshit excuse as always. And my sister always has an excuse about why the visit day is not right for her. like this is about her convenience. Grow some!

Here is a Muslim prayer offered to me by Sandra Haji-Ahmed:

Dear Alan,

May the spirit of Eid (Will) protect and nourish you. You are whole and courageous!

When your head starts to worry and your mind just can’t rest, put your prayers down on paper and let God do the rest.

Many of you were so generous after Michelle created this page
http://mskcc.convio.net/site/TR?px=3552513&fr_id=2764&pg=personal to raise funds for brain cancer research at Memorial Sloan Kettering, and I hope you will consider joining the cause and making a donation in honor of Alan.

Much of the most promising new research can’t even begin without donations from individuals: in most cases, government funds become possible only after the support funds the early work that demonstrates real potential.

When the next new breakthrough is announced? I want to know that I have been a part of making it happen, and it would mean that much more to me if you would join me in the effort so that we can say that we helped make it happen. Every dollar counts, and I hope you will be as generous as you can.

As of today, $5266 was raised – well over the original $3000 goal. Thanks to all below! I salute and thank you all individually and collectively. Some are primary school friends, some high school, some undergrad, some grad school, some Peace Corps, some UN, family and some friends from recent years, most in US, but some in Europe or Asia.

  • Harold Cox
  • Geoff Manthey
  • Pape & Irene Gaye
  • Miriam Ellnerand MiguelMoscoso
  • Poulos-Hopkins Family
  • Leslie Goldstein
  • Beth and DavidMalitz
  • The Hall Family
  • Anonymous
  • A friend
  • John Frezoulis
  • Nora Mwaura
  • Barbara Schiff Black
  • Brainerd/Racine
  • Susan Bassari
  • Sullivan/Schulz
  • Alan Silverman
  • Lynda Matthias
  • Paulette Nichols
  • Sarah E Janosik
  • Miraj& Tommy
  • Chester Silverman
  • Anonymous
  • A friend
  • Ellen and ShlomoSaad
  • Barbara Schiff Black
  • Brainerd/Racin
  • Michelle Dannemiller
  • KunioWaki
  • Buffy McDevitt and FredFeinsod
  • Francesca C & Cesar
  • Lynda Matthias
  • Paulette Nichols
  • Sarah E Janosik
  • Chester Silverman
  • Ellen and ShlomoSaad
  • Carole McCracken
  • Barbara Schiff Black
  • Relindis
  • George
  • Vicki Barefoot-Gersh
  • Shelley Poulos

 

It is a challenge for all of us who love Alan to watch him struggle with brain cancer. We want to help, but it’s hard to know what we can do. That’s why I decided to set up this giving page. I want to make sure the crucial work being done at Memorial Sloan Kettering – the nation’s and world’s leading cancer center – continues to have the support that will drive it forward. Still not too late to donate!

My rehab doc – Cyrus and Hoda take note of name and origin!!

https://www.doximity.com/pub/behnum-habibi-md/1

I’ll be in rehab boot camp for about 10 days 3-4 hrs. a day. They push me a lot – mostly to not forget my left side that I tend to ignore. It’s hard work! Part of my motivation is just seeing the daily line up for therapy and not wanting to be like most of them for long and to get home instead.

By the way, I have a private room with amazing views!!!!

drawme

By the way, this hospital is a maze. Best way to get to the room is following the directions to the Greenberg Pavillion, right beside the Walgreen Pharmacy, take elevator H17 or H18.

I was transferred on Thursday to the new hospital by ambulance. It’s just in front of the Sloan Hospital (where I had been): Something else to look at:

http://www.kurzweilai.net/a-potential-breakthrough-in-using-electrical-pulses-to-treat-deadly-glioblastoma-brain-tumors

My goals for now:

  1. To go to the bathroom by myself and not pee myself – already almost there, with occasional lapses!!
  2. To gain back my muscle mass – starting slowly – my right side measures 60 my left only 20 for
  3. To take my own shower- not yet ready
  4. To be able to feel that my body belongs to me rather than to somebody else
  5. To be able to go to Fire Island and, in the mornings, just walk to the beach and rest
  6. To be able to dress myself – alreadymostly there

First review of achievements: 9/20

Today, when I woke up this he said that I had the same feeling I had a few days after the first surgery at NYU, like switching on a light, feeling more energetic, a sort of awakening, gaining back some control over myself.

On Thursday, I was just been transferred to the new hospital. It’s just in front of the Sloan Hospital (where I had been): The NY Presbyterian Rehabilitation Center Hospital. 525 68th Street (at the corner with York Avenue) floor 17 room 1713. Please no visitors for now! Rest and rehab are priority!

Also, Antonio has been overwhelmed with messages – so please let him rest, too. Updates will come but please be patient for the blog. Thanks! It will continue for now!

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27 thoughts on “I don’t want to focus on negatives, but I do want/need to get out some anger.

  1. I really feel for you knowing how you have always been so independent and physically fit: so hard to need help with the most basic self-care. I am not a praying person, but I hold great hope for a full recovery in my mind. I am glad you are getting so much support and don't have to do this alone. I know how determine you are, so I am optimistic that you will reach all your goals. Keep letting us all know how you are doing .

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  2. Yes! This blog is the most amazing work of art I have ever read. Todays post energized me and made me mad and touched me to the core. You are doing that from a rehab hospital.

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  3. Alan! I was waiting for real anger!! I feel sorry for your siblings missing such a unique opportunity to be present and to bond....
    And even if the progress is 9/20, you really look amazing 🙂

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  4. Loving the journey is part of getting there! And sometimes u gotta get mad before you can embrace. So, sounds to me like u are right on track! Hee hee. Love u my hero!

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  5. and Bruce even though some bull shit excuse thanks for you support on this wonderful Blog that has been set up and the wonder website i have

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  6. You are in our thoughts and prayers daily. I hope you can return to your beloved Fire Island beach soon... ☀️❤️

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  7. Alan, my dear....you truly look terrific considering all that you have through! I love the adjacent artwork too....so true and I think we all feel that in some way. I think of you every day!!!
    Love
    Buffy

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  8. Dearest Alan,
    You are the Alan I know, always speaking your mind with the ability to put things into perspective. You will go a long way so that we can continue to learn from you.
    Lots of love
    Devendri

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  9. Donations as of 9/20 AM total $6491! Here is an up to date list of donors:

    Vicki Barefoot-Gersh
    Susan B.
    Carol Biebers
    Barbara Schiff Black
    Sheila
    Brainerd/Racine
    Francesca C & Cesar GA
    JC
    Anonymous
    Harold Cox
    Michelle and Jim
    Mark Domann
    Miriam and Miguel
    Arnie Falvo a.k.a Arona Fall
    John Frezoulis
    Pape & Irene
    Letteney Gilman Family
    Leslie Goldstein
    The Hall Family
    Anita Hunter
    Sarah E Janosik
    Jeff and Jana Korman
    Susan Locke
    Relindis
    Beth and David
    Geoff M
    Lynda Matthias
    Carole McCracken
    Buffy and Fred
    Mindy Milstein
    Nora Mwaura
    Sona Spear Nast
    paulette nichols
    Lance Witt Ozier
    Antonio
    Miraj &Tommy
    Shelley Poulos
    Poulos-Hopkins Family
    Florence Rogow
    chester silverman
    Ellen and Shlomo
    George
    A friend of Michelle's
    Karin Sham Poo
    Alan Silverman
    Paola Solda
    Sarah Stringer
    Sullivan/Schulz
    Kunio Waki
    Joy Walsky
    A friend of Michelle's

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  10. Brother Bruce offered to come but thanks To Jane and the Georgi was covered as they did bring papa and Florence to NYC. Brother Alan lives 8,491 miles away and then 6 to 8 From Baguio City in the Philippines to the Airport in Manila. Other then that miss my Big brother.

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  11. Natural to be angry at siblings...we are all conditioned to do since a very young age, but also conditioned to most quickly resolve differences and move on.

    Excited for your view. Let me know when ready to lift at a gym. I need to incorporate isolateral movements to strengthen my non dominate left, but may sit out if you do abs.

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  12. Alan I understand your anger about all that you mentioned. Of course you want the support of your siblings, and especially for them to bring your father to see you. I am so sorry you have to deal with that. Keep expressing all your feelings. They all matter and we are here to hear them. I love you!

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  13. Dear Alan,
    I was about to write you this as an email, as I thought that you hadn't been posting since after the surgery, and then I saw the 19 Sept. posting among my mail...
    It is good to read you - I also had an update from Seth and Andrea, from Seth's visit to NY after your surgery. It was great to hear from Seth that you were doing so well.
    Happy to hear you are resting and taking back your strength little by little through intensive therapy and I just wanted to let you know that I think about you.
    Sending love and hugs and really hope to see you soon - in the fall. Or is it fall already there? 😉
    Paola.

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  14. Alan,
    I wonder if you know how much I think about you every day, and what an impact you have made on my life? In just this one week, I have wished I could talk to you about an interesting piece of work or a contribution your work has made, and I've had that wish about 5 times in this week alone.
    I am surrounding you in love from afar, and gifting you this song, which I find incredibly healing, and which has been making me think of you lately: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ism8dBjxKvc

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    1. Thanks Kathy - Missing you and all of the EnCompass people and work - each day a bit better. I hope soon to be back with you!

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  15. Sending you love and all kinds of positive, healing energy from Bangkok. Stay strong, young man! We love you and the whole world does too! Steve and Family

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